I have been thinking about Christmas a lot these past few weeks. This is a time of year when people expect to get together with family and friends. Most people have the idea that it will be a very happy time, a time to spend with your nearest and dearest, a time to enjoy.

So why is it that counsellors and psychotherapists find themselves receiving more calls and referrals than usual immediately before, during and after this holiday period?

It is partly these very expectations. Life seldom lives up to idealised expectations. We get together with our families and friends and expect our differences to disappear, but in practice, the time can become very stressful and actually bring out all the tensions that were there, perhaps out of our awareness, already.

It can be stressful to try to produce that perfect Christmas meal for a larger number of people than one would usually cater for. It can be devastating to feel inadequate to the occasion. The work of having a houseful of visitors or of being a good visitor in someone else’s house can take its toll on patience and calm.

Being mindful and present, in the here-and-now, is not as easy as it might sound. But focusing on where you are now, what you are feeling and experiencing at this moment, rather than worrying about or planning for the future, or remembering past mistakes, embarrassments and hurts, can help. Finding the joy or even recognising the pain of the moment offers the chance to really experience your feelings as they are, without hiding from them, pretending they are not there, or even running away from them.

Meg Barker, in her blog, has written about the importance of being truly present not only at Christmas, but perhaps especially at this stressful time of year. She suggests that:

“something we might commit to over the festive season and beyond is to be present to ourselves and to other people: to gently bring ourselves back from past-ruminations and future-planning to the present moment, however it is.”

In the meantime, as the days start to get longer, and we start looking forward to the spring and the summer, rather than wishing the dark winter days away, I want to experience them for what they are, whether this means enjoying the winter light or hating the rain and cold.